Am I bothered?

I had one of those days yesterday when I had to really wrestle with "stuff" Talking with a friend, we discussed whether these times are from Satan or from God. We concluded it was both.

Satan certainly was attacking and I am not surprised given the stuff we have been preaching, the way I had been part of exposing his tactics in someone's ministry and the presentation of the gospel to children at school and to prisoners in recent days.

And God? I was longing for revival that seems so slow in coming, I was frustrated by some ministry stuff, anxious about the future and agonising about how far from the kingdom some of my unsaved friends are.

Now I think there is something important here. We are often aware that it is wrong to be anxious but we slide into fatalism clothed in Christian language. It maybe that we don't worry because we don't care enough. I don't want the kind of peace that means I've lost my passion. The current catchphrase from Catherine Tate comes to mind, "Am I bothered?" Yes I am and so I should be.

Somehow I sensed God in all this. He wants me to keep facing the issues, not so that I can fret and worry but so that I am driven to my knees to keep my heart clean, to follow his tactics, to fan my faith into a flame and have hope renewed.

I'm not sure 4am is the best time to do that but it had the desired effect and my armour is bright again.


God bless

Carol